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    Categories: Humor

Australian Boxster Goes for Swimming Lessons With Predictable Results

It’s a normal Thursday evening, and you’ve decided to take your beautiful and fun to drive Boxster for a lovely drive in the countryside north of Sydney, Australia.  The roads around the Berowra Valley National Park seem perfectly in tune with your 986 Boxster, and you’re excited to push the envelope a little, getting your heart rate up before heading back home for a relaxing evening in.

In order to get to those prime driving roads, though, you’ve got to take the ferry across the narrow Berowra Creek.  As you pull into the lot, the ferry is currently unloading on the opposite bank, so you decide to take a quick trip to the facilities.  You park your pride and joy in full view of the loading dock, grab the handbrake, shut it down, and give the lock remote a quick beep.

A few steps toward the gent’s washroom, you hear movement and turn to see your pretty little Boxster rolling away from you.  In a full sprint, you try to catch the flat-six powered roadster, but to no avail. Before you can do anything about it, the car splashes into the creek, and slowly finds its way to the depths, well out of reach.  In under a minute, your dreams of a nighttime sprint through the hills has been shattered, and your favorite possession has been claimed by Poseidon.

That scenario is practically deserving of the title “Nightmare”, and certainly became reality for one Australian man.  While the owner did not provide a statement, a friend of his stated that the car was treated “like a family member”, and that “it was his pride and joy, in immaculate condition.”  The accident has been described as a “mechanical failure”, and insurance fraud is not thought to be in play at the current moment.

The recovery process, a full 5 days after the dunking, was a long and drawn out procedure.  Taking five hours from the first dive to getting the car back on its wheels, a number of divers and crane operators braved the nasty rainy conditions to get the car out of the water.  Depth sounders and a crane barge were employed to find Porsche and then lift it out of the murky creek.  “It was in about eight metres of murky water and we found it on its roof. We had to rig it up to a crane on a barge so we could get it to the surface, then re-rig it so it was wheels down and we could put it on the ramp.” said professional diver Nathan Sherwood.

While the car still looks “in good nick”, it is most assuredly a complete write-off.  Salt water damage, especially when sustained for long periods of time, has a tendency to accelerate oxidation of aluminum components, and wreaks havoc on the electrical componentry.  The car, at this point, is worth nothing more than as a parts car, and will surely go to a wrecking yard to help supply other Boxsters with sheet metal and plastic bits.  A sad fate for any Porsche, surely.  This is a good reminder to always park your car with it in gear, using the engine compression as an assist to the handbrake.  If this gentleman had done that, perhaps he’d have enjoyed his drive that evening.

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Bradley Brownell: